Wednesday, February 25

I feel sick inside...

Well this past week has been the trippiest of all I must say. Last week ago today, I was in one of the biggest arguements of my life. Two of my ex's (Ryan and Ben), another male party, and beer were involved. It was Kaotic to say the least but we all made it through unharmed. That Friday I was not so lucky. My friend Ryan and I met up with some unexpected drama and the outcome of that was that he was asked to leave my home. He just left about 8 hours ago. Ryan, to whom I've had some of my best and worst memories, I miss like crazy. I love that kid to death. He's been one of the only people I can hang with every day and not get tired of. He's the friend that I can talk to, wrestle with, play chess with, laugh with, beat on, argue with, pretend with, be silly with....

and now he's gone. It's always for the best. He's going back to Texas for a week and then on to Hawaii. Which is the probably the best for him. He wasn't happy here. I was the only thing keeping him here. Things always could have been different but everything happens for a reason. He's so much better off. We'd just end up being attached. Which we don't want to be. We're not in-love with each other. Haven't been in a long while. Co-Dependancy sucks and that's not a way to live. I have to make my life better. I have to really buckle down and start doing things for myself. Having my own place is my priority. Getting my life situated should be my number one priority.

Though it still sucks. I'm not okay with this. at the same time there is nothing I'm going to do about it now. Even if I could. I could call him up and tell him to turn around right now and give it a second try. But why should I. I would if Hawaii weren't an option. I may have even worked harder for him to stay. But blah blah blah...I don't do regrets. Or else try not too. I'm going to go back to trying not to cry now. I'll be better soon. A lesson in life. Peace. I love you, Ry. My grandfather bless you on your journey.


Five things I'm greatful for today

1. Friends good enough to miss
2. Seminoles/Creeks don't have a word for goodbye
3. Sad/Happy music that fits my mood.
4. Brand New Days
5. Cigarettes! (LOL, I know this is bad but sometimes it's the only thing that makes me feel better)

My Randum

Will be comming later.

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