Monday, April 11

Love is a many spelendored thing...

When you're in love...

A lot of people want to dismiss what you feel really quickly. They want to say, "Oh, you're just fooling yourself" "There is no such thing as a soul mate. There is no such thing as true love". And to them I say. How do you know if you've never been there? How do you know until you KNOW you've been there?

Being "in love" is disguised as many incredible like, as incredible lust, as incredible co-dependency. All of those things, I find, can be easily mistaken as being "in love". And all of those beautiful as they can appear are things that can be easily turned into something ugly…something that can easily be manipulated into something mean and sometimes horrific.

It’s not always easy to tell the difference but for me I know that I already know without a shadow of a doubt I've found my soul mate. I've found the one man in the whole world that wants nothing other than to please, satisfy and enjoy my being…to breathe and embrace my soul. Why do I know that he's the one...above all beings...him? For me, it’s because it's always been him. Since the first day we met he's been the one person in my life that I knew would never let me down on purpose (Not including my family). He's the one man in the world that ever got me to feel my thoughts and feelings meant something to someone. The first ever conversation we had was and probably still is the best conversation I've ever had with someone in my life. When I met him, I knew the man was amazing but I didn't catch that "love at first sight" bug. Cause at the time i didn't believe in it. I was very happily single. I was (am) beautiful, funny, sane, and available. I needed not a boyfriend or any single person to be attached to. I loved it that way.

And ever since that first night, we both knew for what ever reason we had something. We had this undeniable connection that I knew regardless of everything, that I would be in his life for life always and he in mine in some way shape or form. Being his girlfriend (I don't like the word girlfriend, I prefer "lova") never crossed my mind for a slew of reasons. He lived 2000 miles away, he wasn't my type, I was living the good bi-sexual single life on so forth. And being his lover never crossed my mind not because he wasn't gorgeous and sexy but because I respected the hell out of him to no end. I think he's probably the only person I've ever come to respect (In my age category) that much.

Its amazing how one moment can change your life. Its amazing how one person can be so devoted and loving without reciprocation and just going on a belief, an idea....a "know". How a simple idea can bring about such chaos and infamy and how all these thoughts and ideas in a single moment hit you like a 2x4 smack in the head and you're like DUH!

I always knew in my heart that Jason was perfect from me. Not for all the aesthetic reasons but for the biggest one of all. He loves me unconditionally (which that sentence to me is redundant cause if love is "conditional" than it isn't love...but that's a whole different blog)....that and he was persistent as hell. I know in my heart that he will never be anything but honest, loving, and 100% with me (as far as our relationship goes) and I in turn easily and gratefully do the same for him. Jason really is my "soul mate" we're so much alike it's funny sometimes. Just minor things like him saying something I was thinking of just then. Just those little ghey moments that make you take a step back and smile at.

I guess the whole point of this is that love doesn't look like what you're expecting it too. It's great to have standards and it's great to know what you want. But I believe, in order to actually receive those things you gotta be willing to be open...and you gotta be willing to forget your beliefs on what love is suppose to be. Love is not age, race, gender or class. It just is. And if I never learned that from my beautiful two-spirited father...than I would never have met the man with whom I adore to no end, respect and can't wait to experience the rest of this lifetime (and the next).

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Thank you, Leslie Jason Shakespeare, for finding me and believing in us. Thank you for believing that much in the possibility that as far as I was concerned was an impossibility. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be as unbelievably happy as I am right now and the sooner we're together...the sooner this world will never fucking be the same. I love you, baby. I'll see you soon.

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