Wednesday, December 29

Holidays Schmolidays

This weekend was just another weekend. Nothing spectacular...nothing just was. These past couple weeks I've been rather quiet cause too much is happening and although I don't give a fuck who knows my bidness...I suppose this month I do. This has probably been both equally the best and the worst month of my life. Hahahaha...not to compare it to the time my mother went to prison for 5 years and I had to moved from my school with all my friends to bumfuck Oklahoma...that probably was the shittiest...but I digress.

I've been really rather emotionally detached as of late. Trying hard to keep life in perspective. Keep things moving and flowing. Making life decisions and make sure 100 percent about them. I believe I've all but decided I'm moving back to Idaho next Fall...going to ISU and getting my own place. Its a rather huge decision considering I'll finally be going to school to make something of myself and my love hate relationship with Idaho. I love it cause that's where I grew up and had an actual childhood. I believe growing up on my rez is something I wouldn't trade for the world. And the there is nothing like growing up with mountains in your backyard. There just ain't. But then's always been a source of contraversy for me. The center of my contraversy. My mother. Oh my mother, my biological, real, dramatic, crazy, alcoholic mom. I love her, yes I do. But I dunno...just bad memories of the afforementioned I suppose. That and those other dark things about your childhood you don't speak of...hahahaha...DRAMATIC!


I'm giving myself 6 more months in DC and then I'm outtie. Not cause I don't love it here...I absoeffinlutely do. Its just that its time for me to start taking my future seriously. Perhaps get degree...settle down...venture into the oh so scary realm of life partnership...who the eff knows. All I know it that I'll be closer to my little brother...who has always been the center of heart and I've just put off being the big sister for a while. He needs me and I need him more than ever. I'm sufficently satisfied that my sister is going to have the life she always deserved and that my father is always always going to be fine without me. I'm starting to sound like I'm leaving tomorrow...ha.

So anyhow...yeah...that's where my head is at...thoughs of "home" ever that looks...

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