Well it's Thursday...What a thursday. I love it. My ex's parents left late last night and I have to admit I was very sad. I love those guys just like my own parents. They've taken care of me and given me advice. He's mom was so sweet. I know I'll always be welcome in there home no matter what. Despite the fact that me and their son aren't exactly on speaking terms. Which by the way he did call today. It was a brief conversation but it was good. Knowing that someone you care about is alright and they don't think your a total ass is always good. It was mostly small talk "Hi, How you doin?, Life sucks, I'm okay though...." Nothing major and of all the perfect things to happen my phone dies. It's for the best I suppose. Everything happens for a reason. It's nice to know he still cares a little. C'est la vie.

Anyways, I wanna go to the fair tonight and ride rides until I puke. (Good visual) Tomorrow I get to be a door guard for sometraings I'm involved in. I guess since I'll be alone with my thoughts I could start writing my book. Maybe....we'll see. Saturday hopefully I'll get to get some sleep! Lately, I've been feeling like 6 hours just ain't enought anymore. (Note to self: Get some sleep) Anyways...that's all for now. It's time to go home. Later Katz.

Well today's the day I started my new job. It's so exciting. It's a government job...it pays well...and I get health bennies! Oh yeah. Things are going okay. Still trying to maintain the day to day. Still having a good time being single. My ex's parents are in town to see me and I can't wait. They should be here sometime this evening. tick tock tick tock....

Other than that I went to a Foam Party on Friday. Oh yeah and I met the Black Eyed Peas! It was awesome. I kicked myself for not having my camera or a pen but it was good just to meet them. My friend was with me so I have proof! LOL Anyways that was all my excitement. I'll write more laters....

Here I am. Still living and still alive. Grand for me. I keep going around in circles trying to figure out why I want to f-up my life so badly. With everything that I've been through and all the things that I've done in the past couple months. Why don't I want to be happier? I've put my self in danger many times and in the processes of trying to be right about being a worthless f-up I even put my friend in danger as well. She is fine. There is a live no physical or emotional harm done. Everything turned out okay. But when I think of all the things that could have happened to her...........

Who the f*ck am I to be so selfish and stupid. People trust me with they're most precious possesions and I just take it so much for granted. It's completely amazing to me that every opportunity that I have taken I have managed to make it ugly. Why? So that I can continue to be right about being a screw up. Human's loving being right. I love being right. And it just so happens that I am good at being right about this. So either I can stop it now and actually take action in doing something with my life. Or I can continue making small "efforts" so that nobody notices I'm not really doing anything.....

Maybe that's not entirely true. I do do somethings. I go to work. I really do make efforts. I'm not entirely selfish. Thing aren't exactly going to get better for me if I don't start stepping up thought. I need to follow throughwithwhat I said I was going to follow through with I say I am going to do. I need to take it one day a time. I need to not dwell in my feelings about what sh*tty person I am. I need to love myself as if this were the last day I have to give. It hurts and it's sad to love but what makes love great is that it's also joyful and awesome to love and be loved.

Here I am. Sorry I took so long. I just wanted to say hello. I will actually sit down someday and tell you the enchanting story of the wedding day but for now I have to be brief. So much has happened thus far....Living with my ex-boyfriend for 2 week was a trip!...and all the other things that went on. So stay tuned and I'll be back with all the juicy details.

Ciao!