{05.10.07} - Gentle rain.

Posted Date: : May 10, 2007 9:46 PM

It's only fitting that the first rain I encounter...in my new home...be the most gentle rain I think I've ever experienced. A calming soothing rain that even calms the most visceral rage.  My rage.  My moments of unhappiness.

Ghey that sounds emo.

lol...doesn't make it any less true.  I'm edgy.  I'm tired...I'm at that point in the relationship where its put up or shut up...be gone or handle your "stuff".  I'm on day 10 of giving up smoking, although technically I cheated on day 5.  It wasn't a big deal.  But like Bane said...just the other day...we picked a fine time to finally quit. 

Yeah. 

I'm surprised it hasn't been too hard...and I even forget most of the time that I ever enjoyed it or convinced myself I needed it to calm down.  I don't feel like smoking so much...I just which the imaginary welbutrin I'm waiting for gets here...I'll feel...less edgy. 

I hate the way I'll be so fucking pissed at Bane for stupid shit like...

S:  "Hey, nig, that was a stop sign you just passed back there..." 
B:  "Oh really, I didn't notice."

I know he's only been driving for a few years now but god damn...sometimes I wonder.  And I continue to hate the way that I'll be trying to walk it off and he comes behind me...picks something up randomly...and he's like..."Funkymonkey".  And it really manages to be a stupid miniature monkey named Funky.  What the fuck...anger just disappears.  There's nothing to be angry for and I'm like fuck.  Well fuck...I guess I'm not mad anymore...you won sucka.  I haight chu...but not really because you fucking make me smile like no other....fucker.

Sometimes, I'm just so in-love with that fool/man/boy/child that I can't scarcely remember being mad at him only moments before.  Its facinating and ridiculous all in the same sentence.  I love him for being so innocent and perfect for me at times that I'm like ...WTF! Enjoy should enjoy it or die bitch!

 I'm working on getting back to the enjoying part.  I want to get back to the everyday is sunny and gay with Bane days.  And for the majority of life..it is.  I can say at least 90% . of our day is..honestly.   I'm just edgy.  Its getting better.  Bane is growing everyday and I am learning to enjoy everyday.  I enjoy the little things like our ghey ass kokopelli shower curtains and the fact that we don't have no meat but we have 3 different cases of soda in the fridge.  We have  cable and we're hella sad Lakisha got the boot on Wednesday.  I enjoy the fact that I've had sex everyday for the past couple days and its been the purest raw and passionate sex of my life...

Maybe I just need sex more...IDK...Don't they say that?  Don't they say that if women gave up the poontang there would be less war...I suppose being two spirited means that even though you're sick and can't give mama her medicine...then shit...I guess that means the testosterone inside of me becomes self righteous...

hahaha....not really...but maybe.

I digress.

Thank god its Friday.  Yes, I am listening to French music and its great.

Such is such.