Outrage...that's all I can say!
Sunday, January 30
Saturday, January 29
Part one of my journey home...
On Saturday, I called my Madre to tell her the good news of the comming of her favorite daughter. When she answered, I didn't anticipate that she would be drunk. YEY. Now I love my mother but I won't sugar coat shit cause that ain't me...My mom is an alcoholic. Of course, I should have known better to call her that day. I mean crappin aye...The Steelers marginally won their effin game only cause the other team choked on a horse cock. How the fuck you gonna miss 2 field goals, son? What the fuck was up with the waste of a time out when you could have waited 7 seconds? Bullshit.
Anyways, so my mother answers drunk...And she's like "Hi Jade"..."I'm so glad you called"...bleh bleh bleh...And I tell her the details of my arrival...to which I'm positive she won't remember half of but who cares. I try to make small talk which I know is me just asking for whatever stab in the heart she can give me at the time. Talking to my mom drunk never yields pleasant expiriences and me being the masochist that I am choose to continue regardless. At this particular time, she chose to bring up the one thing that she knows she can hurt me with...although at the time it wasn't her intention. The one thing that has been important to me from day one and I let myself let go of for a while...believing somehow it would work itself out, but no. On this occasion...like many other occasions...she brings up my youngest brother Sky.
Now my mother, despite the alcoholic that she is, was always a great mother to her daughters. She sacraficed for us, provided all she could for us and never gave us up without that famous Eagle (family name) irrationalness that we are known for. We never went without the essentials and she taught us how to love ourselves and be independant. My mother's love for her daughters could, would and should never be doubted. The key word here obviously being daughters. Her other 4 kids, unfortunately, happen to be another story.
To most families, four sons would be considered a gift and indeed they are blessing. To my mother, however, they were somewhat of a burden that was not really much her responsibility. Another factor contributing to the "favorites" scenario is that we all have different fathers, except me and my sister. My mom was never one to be accused of attracting great men. Although my father is a pretty damn awesome man, he just so happens to be gay as well. All this attributing to me barely knowing my older brothers. Although I know they love me, they are distant by their choice. We grew up together but not in the same household. My 2 older brothers, who are 5/3 years older than me respectively, grew up with my grandparents. They didn't life far from where we lived, but definately not with us.
My 2 younger brothers, both of whom I love dearly, weren't afforded the "luxuries" so freely given to their older sisters. Save my little brother Micheal, whom she does love, planned for and fought for but in the end gave way to the same scenario. Leaving the the baby of our little joyluck club...the center of my heart...my little brother Keanu BlueSky Kniffin.
(Cont.)
Anyways, so my mother answers drunk...And she's like "Hi Jade"..."I'm so glad you called"...bleh bleh bleh...And I tell her the details of my arrival...to which I'm positive she won't remember half of but who cares. I try to make small talk which I know is me just asking for whatever stab in the heart she can give me at the time. Talking to my mom drunk never yields pleasant expiriences and me being the masochist that I am choose to continue regardless. At this particular time, she chose to bring up the one thing that she knows she can hurt me with...although at the time it wasn't her intention. The one thing that has been important to me from day one and I let myself let go of for a while...believing somehow it would work itself out, but no. On this occasion...like many other occasions...she brings up my youngest brother Sky.
Now my mother, despite the alcoholic that she is, was always a great mother to her daughters. She sacraficed for us, provided all she could for us and never gave us up without that famous Eagle (family name) irrationalness that we are known for. We never went without the essentials and she taught us how to love ourselves and be independant. My mother's love for her daughters could, would and should never be doubted. The key word here obviously being daughters. Her other 4 kids, unfortunately, happen to be another story.
To most families, four sons would be considered a gift and indeed they are blessing. To my mother, however, they were somewhat of a burden that was not really much her responsibility. Another factor contributing to the "favorites" scenario is that we all have different fathers, except me and my sister. My mom was never one to be accused of attracting great men. Although my father is a pretty damn awesome man, he just so happens to be gay as well. All this attributing to me barely knowing my older brothers. Although I know they love me, they are distant by their choice. We grew up together but not in the same household. My 2 older brothers, who are 5/3 years older than me respectively, grew up with my grandparents. They didn't life far from where we lived, but definately not with us.
My 2 younger brothers, both of whom I love dearly, weren't afforded the "luxuries" so freely given to their older sisters. Save my little brother Micheal, whom she does love, planned for and fought for but in the end gave way to the same scenario. Leaving the the baby of our little joyluck club...the center of my heart...my little brother Keanu BlueSky Kniffin.
(Cont.)
Friday, January 28
The Girl Born a No Heart...
Wow...I try to get around and write things here and there. I'm just gonna have to copy and paste here from some of my other blogs. I rightly don't care anymore.
Tuesday, January 11
Make a sign!
Well the new year is here and I am quite refreshed from my trip to the bahamas. It's definately and experience I'll never forget and was another great gift from the Harjo's. I love them so much. This year promises to be exciting. The odd number years always seem to have that flair of excitement about them and I'm keeping a some cool things under my hat to wow y'all with laters. So a poem for the new year...enjoy...
Beginnings
by Spring No Heart
Darkness almost sounded
surrounded for none to see
Only street lights up above
standing on what seems to be
a darker shadow of a bridge
the night has come to me
Right now I am alone
Right now my soul is free
The year has just begun
Time for new possibility
My love has called my name
and now my heart can breathe
Although his love is far
and deeper than the sea
Right now I am alone
Right now my soul is free
Spirits dance on the water
they dance for only me
Movements quick and fluid
It puts my soul at ease
As quickly as they beckon
they are just as quick to flee
Right now I am alone
Right now my soul is free
Another chaper of life has ended
I turn and walk from the sea
Appricative of all my blessings
and what the future holds for me
I leave with my compassion
I will love with all ability
For right now I am alone
Right now my soul is free
Beginnings
by Spring No Heart
Darkness almost sounded
surrounded for none to see
Only street lights up above
standing on what seems to be
a darker shadow of a bridge
the night has come to me
Right now I am alone
Right now my soul is free
The year has just begun
Time for new possibility
My love has called my name
and now my heart can breathe
Although his love is far
and deeper than the sea
Right now I am alone
Right now my soul is free
Spirits dance on the water
they dance for only me
Movements quick and fluid
It puts my soul at ease
As quickly as they beckon
they are just as quick to flee
Right now I am alone
Right now my soul is free
Another chaper of life has ended
I turn and walk from the sea
Appricative of all my blessings
and what the future holds for me
I leave with my compassion
I will love with all ability
For right now I am alone
Right now my soul is free
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