A change will do you good...

Good news/Bad news...

Good News...

My hair is getting longer! Yey!

Bad News...
I'm on my own again. Por que? Well lets just say alot of extra stuff outside of us got in the way. That & life just got the better of...I'll say me cause I can only be responsible for what I contributed to the relationship. Which in all honesty was nothing substantial...I'll just say there are only so many times a girl can be understanding before she finds herself alone. But those are the breaks I suppose. The prices we will happily pay to be with the ones we love.

Is it over over forever and ever..Hell no. My heart belongs to only one. But again...being only responsible for me. I have to be a little more established in life before I will choose to give up everything again to be in love. Which for me means paying people back for what they lent me over the past month...getting a real job or at least my old job back. And the grand plan of them all. Move to Seattle...and go to school. I'll write more about this later. But for now...that's just the World News Update.

Its funny. The number one reaction I get out of everyone when I tell them that for all intents and purposes...I'm alone again...people are like...Dang Spring, You were like a wild horse that no one could tame and then bam! Someone caught you and you claimed to have been tamed...

Maybe I just wasn't ready to be tamed and thats why it didn't work out. Maybe in the process of wanting to stand still, I figgited a little too much. Who knows. All I know is that, yes, everyone, I'm fine. Just cause I'm back to being miss independent doesn't mean that I stopped loving him or him me. Its just the breaks for this moment in time. He's still the one my heart belongs too. But my path still is going in a direction not quite parallel to his...

Maybe someday.

Fear is the path to the darkside...

So recently me and Leslie have come into reality. Our reality as a couple. My move here was made on a whim...Our whim...without any real plan or thought to unwanted consequences. So of course, our consequences hit us smack in our face. And as it were...with all our dreams coming into fruition...we have a set-back...Right now I'm jobless living with my mother...at first just for a visit...then it was to take care of her because she is sick...and now it is out of necessity...not just cause my mom is sick...but because our home is being renovated. How long will that take? I don't know. Could be a long while. And in the midst of all this...we've equally become stressed with other things such as job, money, and family and had inturn reverted to our independent reactions rather than reacting as a partnership. Why? Cause that's what we do. It has put more than a slight strain on our resolve. More so me cause the Aries in me loves the dramatic. The Pisces in him takes the quiet cool route keeping feelings and fears within so as not to burden the populus. In turn, I have recently brought up old feelings and fears to compensate over the silence. Which if you're trying to keep a relationship going strong, then you have to recognize and let go of the heavy baggage you're bringing into the new one. I admit it...I've gone through every fear I've ever had in past relationship and made them somewhat real in this one. Some of my concerns aren't unfounded mind you. He learned at an early age to never reveal a weaknesses. It makes him good at what he does as person and a fuckin mighty fine chess player I might add. So with this process, I've come to learn a very different side of him I wasn't quite accustomed to. I've fallen victim to that yucky co-dependant mode where I make up excuses for him and on top of that started being whiney. Which I hate. That obviously doesn't work. So I tried to take the quiet route and that doesn't work either. The more I was quiet, the more the fears would fester and grow.

As someone wise once said..."Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." (I had to...hahahaha...)

Life isn't always going to be perfect. But if you take a step back and remember why this is real in the first place...and examine why this unexpected and unwanted moment in your relationship is happening...It's easier to let go of the things that seem so intrusive and abrupt. I have one of the biggest egos in the world. But I'm also one of the biggest closet romantics...I'm not perfect by any means...letting go because things aren't going my way isn't the answer...and I tend to give up easily when things aren't handed to me or my weakness is shown too early. My relationship isn't a chess game I'm trying to beat him at...If one of us is winning, then who is losing? All I know is that for all the things I don't got that I would profoundly like to have at this moment...all I have to do is remember that one moment...that perfect moment...where the all the lights of vegas went unoticed...during a very needed cab ride in december...when the words were sung in silence with gestures...interpreted by the king himself...I couldn't help falling in love...That moment captured my heart forever...

Something...

How do you keep a long distance relationship happy?

Webcams baby....my man is haute...hahaha...

To the man who gave me life...

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

My Father....

There's a certain sparkle in your eyes that seems to
captivate me. For the past 48 years you have lived and seen more than many could hope to dream. For the past 25 years you have loved me the best way you could and taught me everthing I know about being a powerful abundant leader. And that is what I will continue to strive to be. Your presence brings peace to all those who seek it and are therefore comforted. And have shown me what love could be so that I will never settle. I get my strengh and beauty through your eyes. And I can think of no other person in the world that I could have chosen to call my daddy.

Mvto for all that you are and all the you continue to be for me. Maheo has truely blessed us both..

I love you, Daddy.

Love,
Sunshine


Left: My dad Right: Me.