It's been way too long...

I miss you guys. I miss this. I've been missing and gone for so long I don't know where I am anymore. At this particular point I am happy and peaceful. So much has happened and so much to come. I'll get down on this in due time. In the mean time, people. You should get up on this song Right click and save as here I love you guys. Miss J00!

My Trip to New York Part Un...

Well, well, well...

Where to start. Friday, I wake up @ 8 o'clock and scramble to get all my shit together. I was barely packed so I had to neatly stuff all my shit into two duffle bags. Plus, I the little things that you try not to forget and somehow end up leaving anyway. (like your cell phone and toothbrush!) And in doing so I was very very LATE! Kelli and I had planned to take off @ 10:00 and here I am doing the breast stroke in my sea of clothes @ 9:30. Clever.

So I finally jet out the door @ 9:40. Kelli is pissed I know. I hate making my sister mad but I do it anyways cause I'm a tard. Anyways, I get there and she has to burn some car music for our trip. Kewl. Then they remember she needs a new headlight. *goodness* So the honda goes to the doctor for a bit. We're stressed. It's not like we have to be anywhere. But we're hella late for our time and so we're rushed. Car done, Cd's done, and finally out the door by 12! *Whew* No Heart girls are never on time.

So off we go, turn up the jams and hit the road. Just me and my sister. Ah life is sweet. It took us freakin 7.5 hours to get to NYC. Fucking an hour of that was just waiting on to get off the New Jersey Turnpike on to the Lincoln tunnel. Since we don't have to be to our destination til about 9:15 or so we decide to mess around in Time Square. We have a drink @ Howard Johnsons and our bartender is no more than 19. She's so cute with her lit-uhl New Yawk accent. She's crazy. But she proceeds to tell me I am cause I drove 7.5 hours to meet a stranger. I said yeah, that's true, hopefully it's worth it.

We mess around New York somemore. Hitting up some stores. Getting the obligatory I love NY shirt. Saw Catwoman. Unfortunately missed the Naked Cowboy. (DAMN!) And talked to my Aunt Daisy to she could tell us where to go. It's getting late and Erick give us a reminder call to leave the City cause we have another hour to go to the heart of Long Island. We get the scoop on the nights happenings, grab a couple bites @ Mc Donald's of all places (Sorry NYC Pizza, next time my love) and take off to Queens Bridge Tunnel....

Soooo....on to Erick's...

It's 9:30. We're so late. But when are we ever on time? We start driving and then we realize we're probably ew-er than ew so we stop at a Gas Station to freshen up. (Yes, Erick, case solved) We stopped to put make up on and change clothes at a gas station because
A: Fuck I was so nervous it was beyond ridiculous.
B: I had stains my my shirt and you only get one chance to make a first impression.

So, we do our biznass and move along. The drive seemed to go by so fast yet the last 10 exits dragged on for-ev-er...and it seemed the closer I got the more nervous I got. And the more nervous I got I started to give myself stomache pains. It was aweful. Some randum girl called me right before I got to Erick's which was totally weird. It was a 202 . and I was like WTF? So I answer it. Conversation as follows:

Meh: "Yo"
Her: "Yo, is this KT?"
Meh: "Yeah, who is this?"
Her: 'Are you Gay?"
Meh: "Um...I'm bi-sexual"
Her: "Oh. What color iz you?"
Meh: "Brown? What the fuck does it matter? Who is this?"
Kell from the side: "Who are you talking to?"
Meh to Kelli: "Fuck if I know!"
Kelli: "Well why the hell are you telling them all this information?"
Meh to Kelli: "I don't know, don't yell at me"
Meh to girl: "Look I gotta go yo. I don't know who you are or how you got my . but late."

I know that was really lame and irrelavant but with all the tension Kelli got pissed at me and I at her and that so was not going to work. In about 10 minutes I get to meet a boy that I've had a crush on for almost over a month now and me and my sister fighting is the way to greet someone. Crazy! So following our crazy directions to Erick's house we get lost like 3 times. Not to mention he happens to be the only house without a . on it so the first house we stop at isn't his. At least we got a laugh out of that one and it relieved some tension.

Finally, moment of truth. We got the right town, we got the right street and we finally got the right house. Now to knock on the right door. He opens the door and he's exactly the way I imagined he would be and he give me this big reassuring hug. Awesome. He give Kelli a hand shake and I immediately bolt for the O cause I need to chill the fuck out. We sit and chill for a while to wait for a friend. Talk a bit about this and that. Friend doesn't show so we go to his house to check it out.

Seems he's too tired to hang out with us. So with one last failed try to get more partners in crime we head to the bar place (forgot the name.) Before we arrive we had to get some nurishment in that slender frame of his cause he hadn't eaten yet. Much to our detriment we stopped by a Wendys and he gets the necessary bi-products to fill his little tummy. Not being able to smoke in his car I wait til we arrive @ the bar to smoke. He proceeds to finish his food with the car off and me and Kelli congregate outside for a smoke. After he finishes, he gets out and we head on over to the bar.

Lady luck being the fickle bitch that she is Erick realizes all but too late that he left his keys in the car...and he has automatic locks! *yey!* He goes back and assesses possibilities only concluding to one. Hmmm... Plan A: Lemme break this window. I on the other hand, having just been with someone with broken window the weekend before, was highly against it. No way, Jose. That'll will suck, think of something else. Plan B ask someone for a hanger or a slim jim. Plan B futile. Plan C: Wait for someone he knows outside the club for help. Plan C sucess! A friend of a friend calls another for the number to Triple A (Which just happens to be 1-800-Triple A in case you're interested) et voila! Erick remember, Duh! I have Triple A! Call Triple A. The come amazingly quick and the night is saved!

To be continued...

Lip Rings, Foam & Broken Glass....

That was the story of my night. In a nutshell.

I spent an obscene amount of money on stupid face jewlery and I swear I was possesed when I bought the shit cause only two of what I bought I actually like. Go me.

All I wanted to do last night was dance. My pal wanted to hang out cause he had nothing betta to do so we did. He went to Nation with me. So I got there a little late for open bar and since I paid my effin $15 bucks to get in...I was going to get my money back in drinks and then some. haha 8 cran and vodka's later I finally get on the dance floor. If my friend wasn't sending me tha boredum vibes I would have tore it up but alas...

so in between the vodka and dancing I was getting a little tired and the night was still young. Not wanting to give up totally on my quest to make the most of what I had I saw the doors to the outside were open. So I told my pal...lets go mang.

So we go and Guess what I see...

FOAM!

NIGHT SAVED! I immediately jump in and get my ass all soapy foam wet and it was great. Even my friend had fun! I thought it would be damn near impossible for that to happen. We danced for about an hour and then called it quits cause there is only so many bubbles I can breathe in and not get sick. So quitting while we were ahead....we head home.

That is when...we saw his window. Broken in. Stereo...stolen. I was like um...babe...your window is missing dear. He didn't drink a lick so I thought his head was going to splode. I managed to convice him to file a report despite it not doing anyone any good. The police came took the report and that was that. The guy managed to cut himself pretty good cause there was a considerable amount of blood. Karma Karma Karma. C'est la vie.

Well Well Wow

I just got through watching Big Fish for the first time. It was a really great movie. I really didn't know what I was expecting or what I wanted to take away from it. All I know is that it inspired me to think about this particular moment in my life. It made me realize something about my life that I probably wouldn't have though of any other way. That's what I love so much about movies. Movies are a catalyst for the way I believe I want my life to be.

Big Fish, as animated and beautiful as it was, made me think of the events that have happened in these past few weeks. All the ways I've been feeling and perhaps a validation for the way that I feel. One of the events that I have been pondering is one that I don't regret but makes me sad inside. This weekend I had to let down a guy that in all essence should be perfect for me. He's smart, intelligent, funny, attractive and he's a great great mentor and motivator. He came up to DC just to see me. And I didn't realize until it was already done. And he told me how he felt and how he feels about me to my amazement and in all honestly discontent. Maybe what he offered could've been good. And maybe I could have considered it. But it wasn't romantic. It wasn't the way I dreamed a moment like that would come. He told me in the throws of drunkness that he loved me and that he wanted to fall in love with me. At that moment I was speechless. I was sadend throughout because no matter heartfelt it was, no matter how true and real, how could he expect me to accept such an offer and actually take into my life like it meant something.

I just broke up an 8 year friendship cause I can't stand alcholics and alcholic men in my life. I'm through and done with it. That's why I've been single for so long. Cause I don't want that or anything to do with a relaionship like that. I don't want any of it. I left that life back in Idaho and Oklahoma only for it to follow me here? I left all that I knew and the people I loved to find something better than myself, to find myself and my own way. What's right for Spring and what makes Spring happy in this world.

I have finally started feeling something for someone. A person unbeknownst to me but who gives me butterflies in my stomache again and makes me smile like no other. He's not my type and he is so not what I would probably pick for myself had I not become so smitten so fast. There is an Aries for you, always failing to look before you leap. All I know is that even though we don't talk everyday or have even met. We feel so much and it's awesome and great and perfect with all it's tiny imperfections. Like a dream. Like a movie. He makes me feel beautiful despite myself. And calms my worries just by saying so. I don't know what I did to deserve such blinded affection. All I know is that I am blinded by my affection for him.

So with that, and all things being considered now now have a chance to meet. In two weeks, during Labor Day, I am going to Long Island New York. To meet the man-child that has all so clumsily stolen my heart. The Shinnecock Pow-wow is going on at that time so he has oh so generously agreed to let me stay at his house in the Hamptons. I had no clue when I first met him that he lived in the Hamptons because that seems totally unreal and makes me laugh at myself. How the heck did I snare a boy from the Hamptons? The world may never know.

In the mean time, I had to let down the man that should be my ideal. Why? Cause of all the things that are perfect about him, he hides the courage he easily gives others from himself and inside a bottle. He had not the courage to ever say this sober and for that I can't. I love him and I always will. But for now it can never be. I'm not ready to give up my life again to move back to a place that has no oppertunity for me. No more than I can ask him to move out here just so we can get to know eachother the way we should have in the 8 months that we've known eachother. That's just not my way. Plus, Im too young and cute to be anyones mom. *AYE* (he has a 9 month old)

So now, I'll buck up and be the adventureous Aries. Swallow my pride and meet this guy that I probably have a chance in hell with. A guy I have nothing in common with and not even on the same plane with. Why? Cause it's crazy. And I'm crazy. And life is crazy and without moments like these...how would be know we are alive. Those who take the biggest risks, get the biggest rewards. And those with nothing to lose have everything to gain. That's the way I've been living my life and that's the way I will continue to do so.

Such is my life and it is blessed.