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Friday, November 28
Why, why, why...
Why do I torture myself? WHY!
I was going thru my site trying to clean out somethings and I came across my tribute to my ex-boy from a little while back, Mr. Man. You know just to see if I really wanted to keep it up or not since we don't and probably will never talk to him again. I've already begun to erase his old emails that he sent me way back in the day. Useless shyt. Hi and by sexy stuff. And since I have a link to his yahoo profile on this tribute page I decided to see if perchance he had updated it. And, lucky me, he did. He's doing great in Vancouver, joining the Police Dept and all that plus he has a new girlfriend that loves him and is sane. Fabulous! I'm happy as happy can be for him because he deserves to be in a great relationship. And just to hear that he's loved is great to know. At least he's out there enjoying his life. I'm satisfied.
Of course, there is that very tiny small insignificant part of me that is very painfully sad. Why? Who knows why. Because I love him? Yeah sure. I do love him but I always new that on the most basic level we were not meant for each other. He was just to good for me in my mind and I still to this day don't know what he saw in me. Do I still think about him? Yeah I do. I just can't place my finger on why I feel so much for someone that I know loved me on some level but would never put down his guard to let anyone in. I dunno, maybe I did make to much of things. I made him out to be bigger than what he was...(pause) I put him sooo high on a pedastal, I could never reach him.
WHY THE FUCK AM I SAD ABOUT THIS? We went out for all of a month and talked on and off for 2 years, barely. I truely was and am happy for Benji and Ryan when they moved on. Why can't I JUST be happy for him. I really am very upset to where I'm doing my damn best not to cry at work about this. Trying to not let this little tiny insignificant part of me that is pained overwhelm me. Why does it affect me when it didn't affect me for them. (It did a little for Ryan but for other reasons)
I just don't know...For now, I'm going to go crawl in a ball in the corner and listen to my sad music. WHY? Maybe I'll figure it out. Until then...adieu and just in case you're wondering, I'll be okay, so don't worry about me.
I was going thru my site trying to clean out somethings and I came across my tribute to my ex-boy from a little while back, Mr. Man. You know just to see if I really wanted to keep it up or not since we don't and probably will never talk to him again. I've already begun to erase his old emails that he sent me way back in the day. Useless shyt. Hi and by sexy stuff. And since I have a link to his yahoo profile on this tribute page I decided to see if perchance he had updated it. And, lucky me, he did. He's doing great in Vancouver, joining the Police Dept and all that plus he has a new girlfriend that loves him and is sane. Fabulous! I'm happy as happy can be for him because he deserves to be in a great relationship. And just to hear that he's loved is great to know. At least he's out there enjoying his life. I'm satisfied.
Of course, there is that very tiny small insignificant part of me that is very painfully sad. Why? Who knows why. Because I love him? Yeah sure. I do love him but I always new that on the most basic level we were not meant for each other. He was just to good for me in my mind and I still to this day don't know what he saw in me. Do I still think about him? Yeah I do. I just can't place my finger on why I feel so much for someone that I know loved me on some level but would never put down his guard to let anyone in. I dunno, maybe I did make to much of things. I made him out to be bigger than what he was...(pause) I put him sooo high on a pedastal, I could never reach him.
WHY THE FUCK AM I SAD ABOUT THIS? We went out for all of a month and talked on and off for 2 years, barely. I truely was and am happy for Benji and Ryan when they moved on. Why can't I JUST be happy for him. I really am very upset to where I'm doing my damn best not to cry at work about this. Trying to not let this little tiny insignificant part of me that is pained overwhelm me. Why does it affect me when it didn't affect me for them. (It did a little for Ryan but for other reasons)
I just don't know...For now, I'm going to go crawl in a ball in the corner and listen to my sad music. WHY? Maybe I'll figure it out. Until then...adieu and just in case you're wondering, I'll be okay, so don't worry about me.
Thank god it's over!
Click here to view Mah profile on my space...You should join and add me as a friend!
I absolutely love myspace.com. It rawks my sox and it's soo convientent. It's free and you can add all the friends you like. You can make network of friends grow. You have your own journal. You can meet new cool ash people, and you can post bulletins that will be seen by all your friends so you don't have to write them all individually. You can keep in touch with all your pow-wow buddies/snaggs at once and you can me new ones...(muahahahaha) It's basically like friendster but I believe it's alot cooler. Friendster seems uptight to me. Anyways, join and add me my email is joigazm@yahoo.com. If you would like an invite email me your email or put it in the comments or sumthing...thanks, and now on to other news....
I'll be happy if I never see another turkey for 365 days. ha ha ha. Man...I was soooooo stuffed yesterday. I went to my friend Kina's yesterday and her mom cooked the bombest meal I've ever seen. It looked like it was catered it was soo nice. If anything I'm Thankful for that. I ate soo much and kept trying to eat but I just couldn't do it. We watched a movie to help digestion but it I still felt like a bloated tick.
Afterward we went in search of a few drinks and finally decided to go to Alchemy @ Nation. It was kinda awkward at first but cause it was Goth night but as soon as we got in I was mesmirized. I had such a kick ass time and I love the music. The people were great too. I think I'll drag my friend Ryan there next week when he gets here. He love that shyt. Kina and Roach like it too. We'll just have to "dress up" next time. Oh I'm so goth...ha ha ha ha Black Rox!
Peace, Love, Understanding and Respect,
Spring
I absolutely love myspace.com. It rawks my sox and it's soo convientent. It's free and you can add all the friends you like. You can make network of friends grow. You have your own journal. You can meet new cool ash people, and you can post bulletins that will be seen by all your friends so you don't have to write them all individually. You can keep in touch with all your pow-wow buddies/snaggs at once and you can me new ones...(muahahahaha) It's basically like friendster but I believe it's alot cooler. Friendster seems uptight to me. Anyways, join and add me my email is joigazm@yahoo.com. If you would like an invite email me your email or put it in the comments or sumthing...thanks, and now on to other news....
I'll be happy if I never see another turkey for 365 days. ha ha ha. Man...I was soooooo stuffed yesterday. I went to my friend Kina's yesterday and her mom cooked the bombest meal I've ever seen. It looked like it was catered it was soo nice. If anything I'm Thankful for that. I ate soo much and kept trying to eat but I just couldn't do it. We watched a movie to help digestion but it I still felt like a bloated tick.
Afterward we went in search of a few drinks and finally decided to go to Alchemy @ Nation. It was kinda awkward at first but cause it was Goth night but as soon as we got in I was mesmirized. I had such a kick ass time and I love the music. The people were great too. I think I'll drag my friend Ryan there next week when he gets here. He love that shyt. Kina and Roach like it too. We'll just have to "dress up" next time. Oh I'm so goth...ha ha ha ha Black Rox!
Peace, Love, Understanding and Respect,
Spring
Tuesday, November 25
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Hey y'all it's been a couple weeks since I've written anything substantianal on this hurr. And I apologize to the millionz of fans. I promise to write tomorrow!
Hey y'all it's been a couple weeks since I've written anything substantianal on this hurr. And I apologize to the millionz of fans. I promise to write tomorrow!
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