Hey again...

I guess they decided to give us a reprieve on blogger at work. Too bad I'm tapped out intellectually. I'm tired. Pooped. Drained. But I'll get over it. I need more sleep. Depression=Insominia=Zombie=more depression. But hey! At least I got my flu shot today! :)

Gheeeey.

Bane started work today and as excited as I should be...I'm holding my breath. Its finally a steady job. A steady pay check. No more of this I might lose my job tomorrow bullshit. Its steady work and steady pay at a very decent wage. Plus, he'll finally have health benefits. FINALLY. I'm happy. But like I said...I'm still holding my breath. I shouldn't...but things with that boy have always been volatile.....blah blah blah...sore subject. I love him and his love for me is unparallel. His in ability to be responsible for himself as well as others irks the shit out of me. Its not that he's not caring...its that he was taught to look out only for yourself. Which doesn't fall in line with the code of family first...

Blah blah...I'll stop. He's trying...he's finally got a steady job. Things will be gianormously better. The have to be. Now if i can only get my life in order...I'll be set for life. Something.

Romantical

So last week I sent a bulletin out regarding the beginning of my romantical night with Bane.  Dude, I almost cried when I opened the door but I ended up giggling like the hottest guy in high school said hi to me.  That boy is amazing x a million.  Posted up against the wall with a tight white t-shirt tucked into some very fit jeans...his thumbs tucked just under a big shiny belt buckle...he smiled up at me with his head cocked to the side and looked from under his staw cowboy hat.  Jesse Katsopolis saying "Have mercy" sprang to mind as I turned to shut and lock the door.  Gawd, I couldn't stop giggling like a school girl.  I don't think anyone has ever affected me the way he does in that outfit. 

He then with gentle force he grabbed me by the waist and gave me an open mouth kiss to die for...literally...to die for...because I melted right then and there.  I felt like I had died and gone to heaven for sure when the smell of his new cologne registered in my nasal passages.  That new scent is BEAST! (C.O. Bigelow Barber/Elixer Red for you fellas looking for a new scent...its a panty dropper for sho)  Oh man, oh man, oh man...if that was all he did for me that night it would've been more than enough...but he didn't stop there.  He lead me to our bathroom that was lit with candles only.  My bathtub was filled with this new Bath and Body works bubble bath and rose petals.  He told me to relax and play the CD he made for me while he finished dinner.  *grin*  I relaxed in my still very hot tub and pushed play.  I relaxed the the sounds of John Coltrane's "In a Sentimental mood."

Fabulous!

When I was done my medium-well steak was already set out for me along with a plate full of spagetti (Tres romantical! lol).  I saw this fully bloomed and absolutely gorgeous rose and surprises right next to me as I ate.  Dinner was delicious. He apologized for the whole steak and spagetti mix...but I assured him it was perfect because he knew they were of my favorites.  He let me open my presents after dinner...(two pieces of adorable clothing he thought I would like) and then we settled in and watched my favoritest movie of all time...

The Godfather.

lol...I know it sounds funny...but for all the effort and work and thought he put into it...it was enough to make me well up with pride, gratitude and tears because its the little things that make being with him worth it.  Coltrane...ONE rose...and steak...he's amazing...and he lets me know that even though it doesn't seem like it sometimes...he listens...he knows the little things that matter to me.  Bane has been the absolute best thing that's ever happened to me...and I couldn't ask for anything more.

And that was my romantical night...such is such.

One foot in front of the other...it will all work out. That's faith.

These past couple weeks have been hectic.  Crazy even...So much is happened so I'll try to condense it to the thoughts in my jumbled brain.

Recently, I went a little shop happy getting things I NEED and a few things I don't. (Causing a huge dent in my bank account I thought I could live with)  I bought myself a new purse and some much deserved clothes.  I got myself a new girly haircut and I wore a dress to work the other day. 



I've decided take more steps to look like the woman I know I can be.  Being more of BANE's woman rather than his androgenous partner.  My mommy gave me a target gift card for $25 dollars for my birthday and I used it to buy some make up brushes  I heard they were better than MAC.  And I miss wearing make-up. 

And all this is hella girly for me...but in the end...its paying off royally.  In my small effort to do these things...Bane has been a little more attentive and very forethcoming with the compliments.  Which my Aries ego LOVES LOVES LOVES.  A lot more loving glances, a lot more light touches here and there and holding hands...alot more special kisses for no reason...physcial adoration of my "assests"...and there's no need for me to stress the rest (which is better than fantastical lately, haha).  I'm doing better self-esteem wise and I've been feeling very pretty lately.



I just wish I could have bangin eyebrows.

Other than that there has been tons I've wanted to blog about but just never seemed to have the time to...I will this weekend though.  I've wanted to blog about my awesometastical experience when I did a sweat a few weeks ago.  Or the hella soul soothing family day at King's Dominion that was kick ass.  Or the true colors concert that my girl Lisa Lisa (who has a sexy new haircut) took me too.  Cyndi Lauper WAS FANTASIC!!!!!!!!  So was BETH DITTO.  I'm so in love with Beth DITTO....So much so that I will show you exactly how fat I am.


I love her!  And again..the concert was off the hook cuz my girl Margaret Cho killed.  Such is such of life.

These days...well today actually I am gearing up to drive 20 hours straight to Oklahoma just for one day with my WHOLE Okie Fam.  They get to meet my baby loverface and I get to be "home" for a few seconds.  That's going to be spectacular.  I can't wait.  I wish I could spend a few hours in Graceland since we're crusin through Memphis but I'll make Bane promise we'll go back.  I'm picking my daddy up after work and I'm getting off @ 2:30 to meet Bane at the metro.  I want to leave as soon a possible because the sooner we leave..the faster we'll get there and the sooner we get there...the more time I have to spend with my grammy and grampa. 

I love them.

So wish me luck, kittens.  A couple hours ago I didn't have funding for this trip but that's what faith is about...knowing without a doubt that if I put my mind to something it will work out..and I already know it has...I have the funding and the universe, Maheo or whatever you want to call it...has already taken care of me.  For some reason, I have JUST enough money in the bank to cover it.  How that happened...who knows...but I'm thankful. (Super thankful because that means hella SONICS eatin, yo!)  hahaha....

Such is such.

{05.10.07} - Gentle rain.

Posted Date: : May 10, 2007 9:46 PM

It's only fitting that the first rain I encounter...in my new home...be the most gentle rain I think I've ever experienced. A calming soothing rain that even calms the most visceral rage.  My rage.  My moments of unhappiness.

Ghey that sounds emo.

lol...doesn't make it any less true.  I'm edgy.  I'm tired...I'm at that point in the relationship where its put up or shut up...be gone or handle your "stuff".  I'm on day 10 of giving up smoking, although technically I cheated on day 5.  It wasn't a big deal.  But like Bane said...just the other day...we picked a fine time to finally quit. 

Yeah. 

I'm surprised it hasn't been too hard...and I even forget most of the time that I ever enjoyed it or convinced myself I needed it to calm down.  I don't feel like smoking so much...I just which the imaginary welbutrin I'm waiting for gets here...I'll feel...less edgy. 

I hate the way I'll be so fucking pissed at Bane for stupid shit like...

S:  "Hey, nig, that was a stop sign you just passed back there..." 
B:  "Oh really, I didn't notice."

I know he's only been driving for a few years now but god damn...sometimes I wonder.  And I continue to hate the way that I'll be trying to walk it off and he comes behind me...picks something up randomly...and he's like..."Funkymonkey".  And it really manages to be a stupid miniature monkey named Funky.  What the fuck...anger just disappears.  There's nothing to be angry for and I'm like fuck.  Well fuck...I guess I'm not mad anymore...you won sucka.  I haight chu...but not really because you fucking make me smile like no other....fucker.

Sometimes, I'm just so in-love with that fool/man/boy/child that I can't scarcely remember being mad at him only moments before.  Its facinating and ridiculous all in the same sentence.  I love him for being so innocent and perfect for me at times that I'm like ...WTF! Enjoy should enjoy it or die bitch!

 I'm working on getting back to the enjoying part.  I want to get back to the everyday is sunny and gay with Bane days.  And for the majority of life..it is.  I can say at least 90% . of our day is..honestly.   I'm just edgy.  Its getting better.  Bane is growing everyday and I am learning to enjoy everyday.  I enjoy the little things like our ghey ass kokopelli shower curtains and the fact that we don't have no meat but we have 3 different cases of soda in the fridge.  We have  cable and we're hella sad Lakisha got the boot on Wednesday.  I enjoy the fact that I've had sex everyday for the past couple days and its been the purest raw and passionate sex of my life...

Maybe I just need sex more...IDK...Don't they say that?  Don't they say that if women gave up the poontang there would be less war...I suppose being two spirited means that even though you're sick and can't give mama her medicine...then shit...I guess that means the testosterone inside of me becomes self righteous...

hahaha....not really...but maybe.

I digress.

Thank god its Friday.  Yes, I am listening to French music and its great.

Such is such.