Sick for the trillionth time? Heck yesssss.....

This morning I woke up to the sound of a ringing telephone. Six thirty in the effin morning. Any other person calls me that early will have exactly 10 seconds to give me sufficient reason why I should not have their nipples removed promptly from their body. Fortunately, it was Jason, giving me a wake up call, wishing me a pleasant day and a quick reminder that, yes, in fact, he does love me. Probably one of my better mornings I believe. He’s nipples will stay.

And despite my outwardly appearance, I'm slowly but surely coming out of this crappy seasonal depression. I’ve been sick 4 times during so with maybe 2 weeks of “healthy” in between. How can I tell I’m coming out then? I actually paid my bills which I’ve been avoiding for about 2 months now. My cell phone bill has been off for a freakin month. Not only cause I just didn’t want to but because I couldn’t afford the damn thing. $578.53. pleh. It's not that I talk a lot...anyone who has ever had a convo with me knows I don't call anyone often ever. But apparently being the smert one that I am I don't have nation-wide long distance and when I went to Atlanta/Las Vegas/Florida I ran up quite a pretty bill as you can tell. And if it wasn't for my tax return and my bonus that would never have been paid. So much for extra money. :{P

I’m sick again. I’m at work. Its raining…nay…I take that back snowing now. I feel like physical crap. God shoot me now.

It was a beautiful 70 degrees outside yesterday. Even with the wind in my face it felt awesome. One of the best days I’ve felt (weather wise) all year. I even went to dinner with my good friend Leigh and we went to Chipotle. We gossiped about our lives and I let her in on the little secret that was my fianc?. I missed her. There was also something about yesterday and last night in particular that I was just certain I would run into him whom I’ve been avoiding for going on 3 years now? Damn. 3 years. How I manage to run into this guy at the fucking most random places I have no clue. If anyone who can recall me mentioning now and then “the French guy” here and there, he is who I’m referring. But yes, every three months I can “feel” him coming. And as I got my root beer pop from the machine I was like “Leigh, watch this…This French Guy is going to come and find me…I haven’t seen him in 3 months and somehow he always manages to find me” And sure enough as I was in mid-story he walks up behind me and proceeds to give me a hug and kiss on each cheek. Why I feign being happy to see him…I have no clue. He stays awhile to grill me as to why I’m hiding out and I never call (I haven’t called him in 2 ? years! Get a clue!) and when we’ll hang out again. I tell him my phone is off (cause thank god right then it was) and he’ll have to write me an email. We exchange email and he continues on his little French way.

Leigh just laughs at me. I tell her the whole story of back in my much younger mind state days we dated briefly. Why? Who the fuck knows! He’s obviously much older than me. He’s a tad shorter than me. He has bad European teeth and bleh…I dunno. God I still don’t. And even scarier still I specifically stopped dating him because it freaked me out that I actually liked him. Wonders never cease. I believe that people are put in your life for a reason. If they keep coming back it’s because you have something unresolved with them and if you don’t fix in this life you’ll deal with it in the next. Until you get it right. Pleh…I’ll get it right someday, perhaps…right now it still just creeps me out.

Dreams do come true...

The Chevelle concert rawked like no other last night....that's all I have to say. Oh yeah...Love it....More laters...

(Click here for more pix)

Soo......

I have a Tres' boring layout because I can't find a layout that suits me or is "my style". So until then...I'm just gonna mess with this ish...bleh...boring...

BEGIN RANT:
I've gained 12 freakin pounds in the past 2 months. WTF. Why? This is the biggest I've been ever. I can't be like this. I can't do this. This is sick and unnecessary. I feel like I don't eat that much. But obviously not the case. I don't feel depressed but people that know me the best and I don't have to put my shining smile on for constantly ask me whats wrong. I don't feel like anything is wrong. Everything in my life is okay. It's not tip top. I dunno maybe I've been in depressino denial. hahaha...just as I was writing this...my sister sends me this...

The Oprah Boot Camp Commitment


Like she was reading my thoughts that girl. I swear we were suppose to be twins.

That's beside the point. Point is...I'm tired of being overweight. I've been overweight ever since I was 19. When I was 17 I was 5'7" and 150. Not uber skinny (like I like) but not in the least what I would consider fat. :\ Then I moved to dc, had a full time boyfriend that I lived with for 4 years and we ate out all the damn time. And now...now I'm just this. A 5'8" 212 lbs woman. A beautiful Native American woman that can do and is capable of so much more. If only she'd stick to a commitment. Am I ready to do it? Am I willing to do it? Do I value myself and my life that much to just say...Damn it...Spring your turning 25...you've been saying you'd lose weight since you turned 20...so when are you gonna start?

When...

/end rant

Love is consuming me...

"Unless it's mad, passionate,
Extraordinary love,
It's a waste of your time.
There are too many mediocre things in life
Love shouldn't be one of them."

From the movie Dream for an Insomniac

Everyday that I wake up and accept that Jason is a part of my life for good I find myself wanting to make myself guilty or dumb for not knowing or seeing it sooner. I just can't quite describe the what exactly he is for me. He just is. And I can be as ghey as I want and not give a crap or be embarrassed about how I show my affection for him. Public displays of affection are of no consequense. Sending him little gay love quotes over offline messanger so that when he opens it up its the first thing he sees in the morning...I know he'd never get tired of it. The overcompelling urge to say I love you right away cause he said it and you can't hold it in cause of how loved you feel. Feeling like you'll burst if you don't express it just right then. Dispising the distance because he lives in Wyoming and I live in Washington D.C. but falling in love with him all over because he took off two weeks to fly out here just to be with me for my birthday. Just so he could spoil me. So we can take that walk around D.C. all night long and just talk about everything and nothing. So that we can lay around in bed all day spooning and laughing.

I could never deny his love for me. I could never question how faithful his heart. He would never cheat on me because his momma taught him how to respect women. And I know he trusts me...if only for the mere fact I'm now on his life insurance...LOL *shifty eyed plotting* Muahahaha....God I love this boat.